Thursday, 3 December 2009

“But the tigers come at night…

…with their voices soft as thunder”.

I am starting to experience pre-surgery nerves. During the day I am Miss Positive - totally happy, envisaging a perfect result, a smiling surgeon and a happy ending. Once I lie down to sleep however, my thoughts invariably turn in a darker direction, imagining things going wrong, suffering complications or terrible results, and I can’t seem to stop them.

All the surgery veterans out there would probably say that this is inevitable and not to dwell on the negative, but this new Crohn’s diagnosis has rather knocked my confidence for six. Now i’m having to refocus on my goal and work extra hard to banish those 3am terrors from my mind. It’s probably a good idea to stop reading any negative surgery stories, as they seem to crop up from time to time on and terrify the life out of me. Best stick to the blogs of those who have gone before me and have had good results, as nothing is more inspiring that someone at the end of the process saying that all the stress and anguish is worth it. I’ve also started studying meditation techniques which will hopefully help in the build up to the Big Day.

Positive thinking, happy thoughts….