Hell's Teeth

The end of the line....

2011-01-01T17:17:00.006Z

What a week, what a week! Since the Great Unveiling i've been flashing my fantastic new smile at every opportunity, enjoying the sensation of normal teeth on food and staring at my reflection in astonishment every moment I can - it's only just sinking in that they're finally off!

So what's it's like I hear you ask? Well, as many other bloggers have already noted, the slimy plasticky feeling of real teeth takes some getting used to after so long in metal, and i've developed quite a habit of running my lips over them just to experience the weird sensation again and again (which gets a few odd stares when I absentmindedly start doing it on the tube. Better stop doing that pronto!) Eating, as expected, is a joy now that food no longer gets stuck in awkward places, and cleaning is now a matter of moments with no fiddly floss threading to detain me.

I have a fixed retainer on the botton 6 fronts which is no more than a thin sliver of metal. The upper arch still has some gaps which will close slowly over the next few months with my nightly retainer, before another fixed wire is attached there too. The retainer itself is nothing more than a thin plastic mould of my teeth - I had been expecting some sort of weird metal contraption (have obviously watched too many 1980s movies!). The retainer itself is pretty comfortable, and despite only having to wear it at night I often slip it in after cleaning in the morning and carry on with it until lunch - I'm not risking any tooth movement after all i've been through :)

So the long journey is finally over, and sitting here reflecting on all that's happened it's hard not to think back to those long months agonising over the decision of whether I should go through with it or not, not knowing how i'd cope with a brace, worrying about all that could go wrong with the surgery. It really was a momentous decision and it's great to have finally discovered that the choice I made was the right one, words cannot describe how delighted and happy I am with the outcome :)

I must say, this blogging lark has been a lifesaver many times over during over the many months as a place to vent, moan, laugh and connect with many fabulous people going through the same thing when no-one in my circle of family and friends really understood what I was going through. To all of you otho-adventurers who have been such support - THANK YOU!

So on that note, it's high time I cleared the stage! Will be leaving this blog in situ in the hope it might help others who are thinking of embarking on the same journey know what may be in store for them. But as I stood on the banks of the Thames last night toasting in the new year I felt the fireworks were my own personal celebration for a good job well done. Cheers!

It's off!

2010-12-22T23:01:00.003Z

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Its gone, kaput, finished, over, done, through. I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:)

It's been off for 24 hours and i'm drifting around in a daze. A two year, one month, three day journey is over......

Down to the wire!

2010-12-19T22:21:00.007Z

The brace is due to come off in about 36 hours, but the drama continues to the end!

Last Tuesday, and with a week to go to debrace day, I attended my latest adjustment and pointed out the substantial gap on my top left which had not moved a milimeter, despite reassurances in my previous appointment that it would be gone in plenty of time

Dr H got to work lacing on wires and attaching powerchains, shaving down the canine tooth as he suspected the gap was being held open by the lower teeth. He then announced that the gap 'might' be gone in time. Might? Might?? I pointed out this pesky gap two weeks ago so i'm a bit miffed that they havn't done more about it by now.

So, with 36 hours to go how is it looking?

It's definitely narrowed, but as you can see, it's still there, what a frigging embuggerance!

TBH, its not all hugely noticable from afar, but after more than two years of dental work and lots of £££££ i'd expect my nashers to be pretty much perfect by now.

So on Tuesday the bottom brace will definitely be coming off, but short of some miraculous gap-closing divine intervention it looks like i'm stuck with the grill for christmas dinner number three. A. had a restaurant booked for our celebration of the end of the process but i've told him to cancel it - should have known that this journey would have one final trick up its sleeve :(

T(eeth) minus 17!

2010-12-04T15:45:00.003Z

That's how many days are left until debrace day, and I am dizzy with anticipation! I've completely forgotten what I look like without the wires and so cannot wait - Dec 21st cannot come soon enough!

But back to business for the moment, I promised to give a 7 month physical check-in so here it is: Swelling progress is hard to say, I'm not sure if the slighly raised area to the sides of my nose are final residual swelling or just my face shape. Dr T did say my 'final' face would be there in the spring so still a few months to go, i'm therefore assuming it is. Also after long gym sessions or hot baths my face does seem a little puffier...

Numbness: there are still numb areas, though numb as in reduced sensation rather than the totally dead block-of-wood type numbness I had for the first few months after surgery. It's most noticeable in the section of gum above my front teeth. When I run a toothbrush over that spot I definitely feel something, but not actual bristle sensation. The rest of my palete sensation seems mostly there, albeit in a not-quite-right way, but don't be alarmed all you would-be surgery patients, it's not something I ever notice unless I pay it particular attention. The numb spot on my chin is also there, but so much reduced it only feels slightly different to the completely normal side-I no longer get tingles in my lip when I run my finger over it (which is a shame as that was quite nice!)

Eating: no problems whatsoever. When crunching a particularly hard morsel I occasionally get a few twinges on one side, but they tend to vanish just as quickly. The occasional click also occurs, but again it's gone before I have a chance to worry about it.

The most unexpected thing i've encountered is when I look at old photos of myself. Before surgery I was worried that I wouldn't recognise myself in the mirror, or that i'd be troubled by how different I look. The reality has been that I recognise myself competely, to the point that I sometimes find it hard to detect much difference, believe it or not. However when I then look at pre-op photographs of myself i'm shocked, my underbite looks SOOOO much worse than I ever remember it looking that I can't help thinking 'that really can't have been me!', so it's the old image I do not recognise rather than the new one...

Anyway, that's recovery at 7 months. My next appointment is on the 9th when I have a new gap on the left hand side to point out to the team, hope they don't use it as an excuse to postpone my debrace or there'll be trouble!

Debracing date set!

2010-11-11T22:42:00.002Z

Alarums and excursions! Finally beaten my ortho into submission and got a rock solid non-negotiable no-going-back debracing date. It is...(drum roll)... December 21st! However this is dependent on me going for TWO adjustments between now and then (since recovering from surgery i've started forgetting the odd appointment, something that would NEVER have happened pre-surg), and if I miss one it will certainly be Christmas dinner no 3 with braces. So I will be good.

So what is there left to do? Well, very little as far as I can tell, but according to Dr H my teeth are still a fraction away from his gold standard, so some 'detailing' is being carried out. Fair enough.

During tonight's appointment the assistant was having tremendous problems opening up some of the brackets, and came out with "oh these brackets really have had enough", to which I immediately responded "yes, like me!" (or as close as you can get to that with someone's fingers in your mouth") and jabbed wildly towards my chest. She didn't laugh...

Sorry for the shortness of the post, just about to go on holiday for a fortnight after a wildly busy few weeks, but look forward to catching up with my fellow ortho-bloggers in Dec :)

Frustrations!

2010-10-23T18:42:00.002+01:00

My 6 month milestone is looming :) I'll post a full physical/sensation/swelling etc rundown once the day itself arrives for any detail-hungry fiends out there, but for the moment i'll content myself with saying that i'm 99% happy with how things are going.

The remaining 1% relates not to any surgery matters but to my ortho, as it seems i'm not NOT getting my braces off next month after all! In the last few appointment he's fussed over details, moved various brackets, and generally moaned about the position of one tooth after another. This has resulted in gaps opening all over the place, and at one point I had to endure 3 weeks of a huge gaping hole between my front teeth (looks good on Lara Stone but not on me!). Now he's announced that November removal might not be possible after all, and his assistant said she'd book me appointments through January "just in case". Friggin January???

To top it all he was poking around during my last appoint and, apropos of nothing, came out with "you should really have your wisdom teeth out". Errrr...what? "They're difficult to keep clean and don't connect with anything anymore so you might like to consider removing them" (I only have 2 on the bottom). Now i'm no dentist but i'm pretty sure that if they REALLY needed to come out he should have said something about 6 months ago when I had that little procedure thingy? Havn't I had enough dental torture or something? After he'd left I moaned to his assistant about all this and the time it was taking to complete treatment, and all she had to say was "Well, Dr H is quite a perfectionist". He may be but I clearly am not. My teeth look absolutely perfect now, even if one or two at the back are a fraction of a milimetre away from the holy grail of perfect tooth alignment then I really couldn't give a monkeys. It's been two years, i've had enough - I want out!

So, my next appt is at the end of the month and I plan to spell it out loud and clear! First, i'll be saying a big fat no to wisdom teeth removal. If these pose a problem in the future maybe, but I want to go back to life outside of dental work for a while. Second, I want my brace off by Christmas, no ifs no buts. I've had enough of him umming and aahing every time I remind him of the the november finish date so no more playing silly buggers with my teeth! Any backchat and i'll threaten to stop flossing his handywork in protest - playing dirty (quite literally!) may be the only language these orthos understand :D

The final innings

2010-09-18T19:35:00.006+01:00

4 and a half months-the finish line is looming :)

To pick up where I left off, I finally got to my ortho's office to show off the dirty great chasms that have opened up between my teeth. This lead to much furrowing of brows, scratching of heads and general "that wasn't supposed to happen" type statements, with the final diagnosis of cause being....sometimes teeth just move. Hmmm thanks for that technical summary!

Dr H. has now lashed a chain accross my uppers and told me the gaps would be gone in a jiffy, though it's been several weeks now and they're only moving very slowly (which is all the more suprising as the gaps appeared virtually overnight!). My next appointment is on Thursday when i'm due to get my finishing wires on, and will find out if i'm still on track for a November debracing. Hope the unexpected gaps won't cause this date to be revised..

The jaw-clicking I mentioned in my previous post has turned out to be a non-issue. I got in touch with my surgeon who assured me that recovering jaws often go through clicky periods, and not to worry. Since then i've only had the odd clicking moments but other than that, all seems fine! Upper palette sensation continues to return, albeit in a mashed up type of way, and I can still see a small amount of swelling either side of my nose in the mornings and after hot showers.

So all in all the long winding road that is jaw surgery is seems to be nearing its end, hope all of you out there still with some way to go are doing well, it WILL be worth it in the end!

Picture update

2010-08-22T12:04:00.003+01:00

Three and a half months in! Was at V Festival this weekend dodging the showers and enjoying the music. As you can see the residual swelling - which isn't supposed to be gone until next spring - really isn't in evidence any more, I only really notice anything when i'm just out of bed first thing in the morning when there is a touch of swelling going on.

I'm off to my ortho on Wednesday and can't wait to speak to them about these enormous gaps that have appeared and my clicking jaw, which occurs every other day or so when eating or cleaning. Will report back!

Day ....?

2010-08-11T20:05:00.003+01:00

I have finally lost count of the days since surgery!

It's past 3 months now, so I must be around the 100 day mark somewhere, but I don't know and am not planning to work it out. Somehow it doesn't feel very important any more...

So as you can tell by the drop off in postings, life has very much returned to normal. Not only do I feel my old self, but surgery now seems like some strange dream that never really happened. You'd think that the enormity of the whole experience would leave some sort of permanent mark, but it seems that my mind has preferred to wrap it up in a nice little package and tuck it away somewhere. This is helped by the fact that i'm busy with my new job, with colleagues who only met me a few weeks ago and arn't even aware that I had something done - as far as they're concerned i've always looked this way (a fact I still find quite mind blowing). In fact the more I look at it, the more I see that for the past 2 years all my plans had more or less revolved around surgery, and with that obstacle removed my thoughts are free to flow in new and interesting directions. No wonder no-one wants to dwell on it.

Having said that, i'm planning to document this whole process until the REAL end of the journey i.e. DEBRACING DAY, and there's plenty to keep me occupied until then. Latest developments to report are that my jaw has developed an strange click on the right side, usually when i've just eaten or brushed. I'm not particularly bothered by this, but will probably go along to Mr T's if it doesn't disappear in a couple of weeks. I'm also still getting the odd moment when I look in the mirror and think I look a little strange, but these are few and far between, and are probably more related to my mood than anything facial. On top of this i've developed huge gaps on each side of my front teeth, not sure what the purpose of these are so i'm looking forward to bending my orthodontist's ear about it in a fortnight. He promised me an autumn debracing so that's what i'm getting, whether he likes it or not!

Day 64 - Hazy lazy summer dazey

2010-07-11T20:00:00.003+01:00

Just a quick newsflash to report that the nerves in my upper jaw seem to be awakening! As noted in earlier posts, I woke up from surgery with no feeling whatsoever in my upper gums and palete - my toothbrush felt like it literally disappeared when I cleaned along my uppers . Since then there have been intermittent shooting tingles and fizzles, but nothing like normal sensations.

In the last few days however, things seem to be happening. It started with the roof of my mouth suddenly feeling cold, then another new feeling that was a bit like champagne bubbles fizzing upwards - I was delighted! Now when I try the 'toothbrush test' the roof of my mouth reacts with a strange zinging sensation, not yet normal, but feeling nonetheless. My surgeon warned me not to expect to feel anything up there for months so it's great to get some feeling so soon, hopefully this means the same will happen in the gums pretty soon.

As for external numbness, I still have a patch covering my lower left lip down to my chin. The behaviour of the nerves here is even stranger - when I run my finger along the edge of my chin tingles shoot upwards into my lip. It's not remotely painful, in fact I find myself absentmindedly stroking this patch whenever i'm thinking things over..

Next ortho appt is August 11th when I hope to get these finishing wires on. Planning to spend as much time as possible between now and then lounging on picnic blankets soaking up these glorious sunny days - we don't usually get many of them around here!

Day 60 - 2 months in

2010-07-07T18:47:00.009+01:00

2 months...is that all? It feels so much longer!

Went to see my surgeon this week for a check-up. After a quick poke about he told me there had been no adverse movement, muscular issues or skeletal complications whatsoever, and commented that it was almost as though the jaws were destined to be in their new positions. I couldn't have put it better myself! He also told me not to come in again until my brace is removed - so it seems i'm basically done and dusted with him. Surgery has been on my horizon for so long that it now feels strange for it not to be there any more, almost as though something is missing...

I also saw my ortho, who can always be relied upon to find more issues to deal with, and thus he delivered, pointing out that my two upper back molars on one side had shifted slightly into a crossbite position and would require elastics. He's attached extra brackets on the back of the molars and has the elastics running from the back of the uppers to the front of the lowers directly below. Whilst this didn't seem to be a major issue, I don't know if this still means we'll hit the 'autumn' debracing target date.

The elastics arn't visible though, which is great news as it's summer festival season here and i'm off to the secret garden party in about 2 weeks with Sizzle. Didn't want a mess of rubber getting in the way of my weekend of drunken debauchery :) The festival has the dress up theme of "fact or fiction" - wonder what outfit I could choose to represent an orthodontist's predicted timeline? (always works of fiction without a doubt!)

Day 57 - 2 month check-up

2010-06-27T09:42:00.003+01:00

Still here, despite my efforts at self-sabotage!

2 months have now passed, and i've spent the last week in a flurry of job interviews! It speaks volumes about my confidence levels that i'm now tying my hair right back and flashing big smiles when meeting potential employers. Before surgery I always wore my hair forward to conceal my jawline and could barely look them in the eye as I wondered if they were noticing my underbite and lisp. How nice it is to finally be free of those demons!

So how am I doing two months in? Externally things are almost back to normal; energy levels have been good for some time now, i've started back at the gym and am running again (albeit at a slower speed as my stamina still has some way to go to get back to pre-surgery levels). There is still some puffiness there. It's more prominant in the morning and when i'm very hot, but doesn't appear noticable to other people thankfully. I suspect this is the deep down swelling my surgeon warned me about, he said to expect it to be around for a while.

Internally I have some way to go. The incision wounds are entirely healed over but I have no feeling at all in my upper gums and palate. I'm opening to over 2 finger widths and only get occasional slight twinges of discomfort. Eating is going ok, I can bite into anything soft and chew harder items that are chopped up into small pieces. It's not perfect though, I tried biting through a large chunk of apple a few days ago and couldn't do it - I got a strange sensation of pressure around my entire upper jaw and promptly stopped. No need to rush these things. I've also recently started to floss again, and am finding that some sections of my gums are VERY painful, i'm going to ask my surgeon about this when I see him next week as I suspect it might be due to nerve regeneration. The strangest part of flossing is trying to reach my lower back teeth. You'd think that a few mm of movement wouldn't make much difference but my furthest molars now seem MILES away, my fingers just arn't long enough to reach all the way back there! I've also had occasions when my jaw clicks a little on one side, usually after eating or flossing. The clicking always stops again pretty quickly but is another thing i'd better run by the surgeon next week.

So all is pretty much well! I have one final piece of advice to would-be jaw surgery candidates, which is not to have the monumentally stupid idea of going clay pigeon shooting so soon after jaw surgery (yes, I really did!). I can only attribute it to a moment of madness, as even as I pressed the shotgun tight to my face, thoughts of how much pressure this might put on my recently broken jaws only vaguely crossed my mind. As I fired the shot the gun recoil, of course, sent a HUGE shockwave through my face and I reeled back in horror thinking i'd caused some terrible damage. Thankfully there was no harm done, but Dr H's assistant just shook her head at me and asked what on earth I was thinking when I admitted it during my appointment a few days later. Obviously a bit of work needs doing on the old common sense!

Day 47 - Can you see that?

2010-06-17T16:39:00.015+01:00

There, emerging on the horizon! It's a light at the end of the tunnel!

Today was my latest ortho appointment, and I was determined to find out how long I have left in braces. This has been my aim for the last 3 visits but Dr H has always thwarted me - he'd breeze in once I was already prepared in the chair, have a shufi inside my mouth, issue orders to the assistant then vanish before i'd had a chance to quiz him. This time I was ready to vault out of the chair and rugby-tackle him to the ground if he tried any disappearing acts! So after his initial lookie I tentatively asked if he could tell how much longer I had left. His response was 'Yes I think so....but whether I tell you is another matter'. Ooo you meanie! However he then instructed his assistant to fit finishing wires to me on my next visit and said that he planned to have me finish 'in the Autumn'. Woooo! Now we all know that autumn in ortho-speak probably means the very last day possible in the season, but at least I can be fairly certain that i'm 5 months max away from the big unveiling!

Once he'd gone I asked the assistant what finishing wires were, she said they were known as detailing wires and used to tidy up any last bits. I told her I though my teeth looked just fine as they are now, to which her response was 'just wait and see once we're finished'. How exciting, can't wait!

(P.S. I havn't done a full rundown of swelling/feeling/chewing etc (ie all the really useful stuff to know) for a while so i'll be dishing this up in some detail to celebrate reaching 7 week mark, just 2 days away!)

Day 40 - World Cup whinging!

2010-06-10T19:52:00.004+01:00

Even HM is getting carried away!

It's taken almost 6 weeks, but I'm now feeling confident enough to start applying for new jobs - yipee! I've really hated being sat at home and am looking forward to getting back to some serious moving and shaking! One reason I was hoping to be in work by now was to escape the world cup frenzy that's about to engulf London - as as welsh girl i've been brought up watching rugby and only ever had a passing interest in football, but living here is really the ground zero of footy obsession with every car, van and pub decked out in flags, newspapers filled with confident predictions of an england victory and every single TV show and advert going on and on about it non-stop, and it's only going to get worse - ENOUGH! Once they get knocked out (sorry guys but be realistic, Rooney will get himself sent off and it'll all be over) there'll be national wailing, blaming and self-flagellation before we all finally our rational heads back on. Should really booked a few weeks in the bahamas while I had the chance!

Rant over, now back to more important issues. My last otho adjustment was an in-and-out job. DrH. moved the position of the elastic hooks a little and sent me on my way, and all the while keeping schtum about debanding dates. I suppose since my jaw is still settling i'm being a bit hasty, but it would be nice to have a bit more response other than 'ah, hmm, well it depends' etc etc. My original contract letter states a postoperative treatment time of 6 months, which should mean november, but knowing how orthos love to string stuff out i'll be highly suprised to be unwired this side of christmas!

Day 36 - the long and short of it

2010-06-06T16:49:00.005+01:00

5 weeks in, and my swelling is looking good! It's still there in the centre of my face, though I doubt it's noticable to most people by now. Speaking is getting clearer, and my lisp is definitely a thing of the past, think I can finally start applying for jobs in confidence :) Eating is still weird, not sure if i'm getting better at it or just growing accustomed to the weirdness (probably the latter).

To mark this momentous milestone I felt something special was called for. As i've mentioned elsewhere in the blog i've been self concious of my underbite and smile since about 14 years old, and have had very very long hair since then - it was really only something to hide behind, and i'd always thought that if I ever went though with jaw surgery i'd chop it all off in celebration. So, the other day I decided that the time had come, and asked my hairdresser to lop 9 inches off the bottom! It was a shock, but since surgery my confidence has increased so much that I left with a big smile on my face. It felt soooo good, almost like a release. I was marking the start of a new beginning and leaving all those anxieties behind - before I would have chopped off a leg rather than get rid of my hair. Just shows what a bit of confidence can do :)

So, Tuesday is my next ortho appointment. I was supposed to be wearing these pesky elastics constantly other than for eating and cleaning but have been a bit slack, hope he doesn't get suspicious as i'll be denying all knowledge of any wrongdoing. I'll also be asking how long I can expect before debracing, it's about time they told me how long I have left!

Day 33 - elastic fantastic!

2010-06-03T09:07:00.019+01:00

I'm now officially back in the clutches of my orthodontist, and he'd obviously got wind of my relatively pain-free recovery and decided some extra helpings of punishment were in order!

My first appointment with him was last Wednesday, and after oohing and aahing over my new profile he got to work, having a good old root around to see what was what. His first decision was to remove the elastics completely for a week to see how the jaw would settle - HEAVEN! But the second was that a wire change was in order to get rid of my surgical hooks (apparently not something he'd usually do at such an early stage but they've caused several gigantic and painful mouth ulcers which arn't healing). I was initially delighted at the thought of the relief it would bring me, but as he got to work I suddenly remembered how much pushing and pulling was involved in a wire change. My jaws were still only at the 3 and a half week stage so I was petrified it would cause some damage! Don't think i've ever squirmed, shaken, or sweated so much in that chair as he started tugging at the wires and brackets - every time I felt him yanking particularly hard I was convinced that the jaw would re-break and writhed in terror! Once he was done I staggered out of the office on a quivering wreck on jelly legs, (though I must confess that through the entire wire change I didn't once feel any pain whatsover. Stupid girl).

So after an enjoyable week of relearning how to talk and eat, which by the way is still a very strange experience with these numb teeth, I was back yesterday to hear the latest. After another long examination of every tooth Dr H set about attaching the elastics you see below. When he held up the mirror I burst out laughing, thinking that that chances of me finding a new job in the next few weeks with these on were nil- though by the look Dr H's face he probably thought i'd finally cracked and lost my mind. Mercifully, his assistant explained that these were only to be worn for a week - apparently for the first 6 weeks after surgery the jaws are still capable of movement before they settle and solidify so Dr H was taking advantage of my final week to make some tiny changes. Thank goodness, a few weeks in these really would have pushed me over the edge!

We finished the appointment discussing my mouth ulcers, as they were still there going strong causing me no end of discomfort. Up until now i've always used a product called Adcortyl to zap them when they appear, but apparently it's been discontinued so is no longer available. This adcortyl is the only product on the market with a mild steroid which is why it's so effective, since disappearing off the shelves i've tried every other product (anbesol, bonjela, iglu, you name it) but they've been about as effective as smearing peanut butter on my ulcers. Dr H's assistant made a few phone calls and tracked down a chemist who had one final tube of anbesol to hand over, I used a tiny dollop on last night and already the ulcers are beating a hasty retreat, thank goodness. I'll be preserving this tube like gold dust!

NB new face pics coming soon, i'm off to the hairdressers tomorrow to get a good few inches hacked off my waist length hair - i've no need of it now there's no underbite to conceal :)

Day 28 - The dark art of chewing!

2010-05-29T16:34:00.012+01:00

The four week mark has arrived, but the time that's passed seems far longer than that!

So, i've been attempting soft chew since Wednesday night, but as i'm learning, the devil is in the detail when it comes to jaw surgery and the latest little delight is that I appear to have forgotten how to chew. I can accept that a completely different bite arrangement and totally numb upper teeth and palate might cause a few problems, but after 28 or so years of scoffing I figured my mouth would have some sort of idea of what to do when I shoved some pasta its way, but no.

Now you're probably thinking 'is she having a laugh? How can you NOT figure out eating??' Well, my last few attempts have gone thusly: insert forkful of bitesize morsel into mouth (actual chewing seems to be done for effect only at this stage so you don't want to choke), tongue shoves it towards previously connecting teeth, a few experimental open & closes of the stiff jaw doesn't have much effect so tongue shuffles food towards newly meeting teeth. More robotic open & closing merely squashes food into teeth, cheeks and elastics AND IT JUST SITS THERE! Eventually, tongue has to go and retrieve food from all these areas (with the help of a toothpick every few bites) before swallowing what's not still embedded in all these places. How did it all happen so naturally beforehand? There's extra fun to be had if you have a completely numb palate as the food often feels like it's vanished completely and you have to go in search of it - sounds strange, but it's true!

So despite the urge to swich back to mush for the sheer ease of it, i'll stick with soft not-quite-chew for a few days to see what happens. When I caught sight of myself in the mirror having dinner earlier on I was put in mind of a clip from my favourite comedy show below, check out Patsy eating at around the 33 second mark, I looked pretty much like that!

Day 25, His work is done!

2010-05-26T16:18:00.003+01:00

The last few days have been much of a muchness - eating, sleeping, inspecting my teeth - just ticking off the days until the magical month mark, when I feel i'll be pretty much out of the woods. The swelling, now very much in the centre of my face, is still giving me a certain quirk of expression and my mouth cankers causing my lips have an uneven look to them, but energy is good, spirits are high and life is moving on :)

Today was the second appointment with my surgeon. He poked about inside and declared himself delighted with my progress. Apparently the scars are barely visible and there has been no relapse (he said it would have happened by now if was going to happen at all). He said the swelling was looking great for this stage of recovery and it shouldn't be too long before it's completely gone. Best of all he gave me permission for soft chew - YAAAAAAY, and in two weeks i'll be back to normal foods, i'm so glad to see the back of the slurp n slop diet!

I asked about speech and he told me to go ahead and speak normally. This is actually more difficult than it sounds as my elastics pull me shut when I attempt to articulate words and my mouth still feels somewhat stiff, there's no way I could get through a job interview sounding like I currently do. Hopefully a week or so of blabbering on the phone will sort this one out.

The final discussion of the appointment was our next meeting. We've set a date for the end of June but Mr T said that his work was essentially done, and that he was handing me back to my orthodontist for completion! I rushed home and got straight on the blower to set up an appointment, and hope to go and show off my new bite to them next week (and get these pesky elastics loosened to I can sound normal). Also hoping that Dr H might give me an indication of how much finish work needs doing. Knowing how much orthos love to stretch stuff out the answer is probably a few months, if i'm lucky, but it's still great to know that there's now a definite finish line in the not-too-distant future :)

Day 19 - Naughty D!

2010-05-20T19:05:00.005+01:00

Almost at the 3 week mark, and as you can see the swelling is going down a treat! It seems more prominent on one side, probably because that's the side I sleep on (the whole head elevation nonsense went out the window ages ago) but i'm pleased to see everything moving in the right direction.

My recovery seems to be entering a new phase. The 'patient' part seems to have ended - i'm off the meds and starting to get back into everyday activities. However i'm not looking or feeling 100% normal either, at least not for the task of finding a new job. So i'm currently living a rather dull limbo life consisting of eating mush, pottering around the flat, and seeking out ways to entertain myself which is a bad thing when you have a brand new mouth you're just itching to have a poke about in! The devil makes work for idle hands, and last night I found myself leaning into the mirror with a torch and a toothpick having a little lookie to see if I could see anything interesting. BAD idea, I felt a ping and suddenly a white thread thing dropped down from my gum - eeek, a stitch! Dropped the torch in panic thinking i'd triggered of a major bleeding incident, but after a night of careful examination nothing seems to have come of it., thank goodness! I must also confess to sneaking a little toothbrush into my mouth, just to get rid of the more serious buildup around the inside base of my teeth - aginst the rules I know, but 18 days without brushing is enough to drive anyone barmy! My surgeon had said a flat no to any opening up so i'm not planning to tell him in case he wires me shut as punishment. Better start getting myself out the flat more often before I can do any more damage!

Day 16 - The money shot

2010-05-17T17:33:00.008+01:00

Forget the swelling, this is what it's all about!

These two shots of my bite - the first taken the night before surgery and the second this morning - show how amazing jaw surgery really is. Looking at them makes all that worry, stress and pain during the last 2 years totally worth it!

In fact, i'm so chuffed with the way things are looking I keep impersonating the bird from the Bailey's advert every time I pass a mirror (if you havn't seen this ad, it's a woman singing about loving coffee, but all you see of her is her perfect bite!)

So to all those recovering with me, hang in there, we've made it though the hard bit and recovery will be over in no time. To others about to undergo or starting the journey towards surgery - don't be scared, you're doing something so worthwhile that will give you a lifetime of pleasure, and the time spent in braces will seem insignificant once you're done...

Day 14!

2010-05-15T21:15:00.004+01:00

That's supposed to be a 1 and 4, as today is my two week milestone, yayyyy! It's great to feel the surgery and all its anxieties sliding further and further into the past :)

So, as you can see from this rather ropey pic, swelling and bruising is going down. The bruises on my neck are currently a strange greeny colour, but at least strangers are no longer stopping dead on the street to stare at me in horror. My jaw, so far, has been pretty well behaved, with none of the twitching and spasms that i've read about on other blogs, but I've had a few dull aches today - healing I presume.

The only thing I have to complain about is a dozen or so mouth ulcers which have sprung up out of nowhere, which are giving my swollen lips even more of a trout pout. As if eating with elastics wasn't enough fun already! I'm definitely not getting the calories I should, but at least once they're off i'll have fun eating my way back up to a decent weight.

Was prised off the sofa today by A and his family who were determined to get some fresh air into me, and once I was out the lethargy seemed to just fall away. So the lesson for today - going out, even though you may not want to, is always a good thing :)

Day 12 - the 'slurp n' slop diet'

2010-05-13T12:38:00.005+01:00

This is a phrase coined by my mother after observing me at work on a bowl of porridge, and it's highly appropriate as I usually end up with mush smeared accross my face, down my clothes, and on the mirror that was being used to improve my aim. It's also a seriously effective diet as I weighed myself this morning and discovered that i'd lost 8lbs since surgery! There are people out there who'd kill for that degree of weight loss - we could be onto a big seller here!

So swelling continues to decrease slowly, though it's still going strong around my upper lips and nose - inside my mouth definitely feels more puffed up than it did last week. The throat is ok, and i'm off the painkillers and antibiotic which is great news. I'm starting back on the pro/prebiotics and vitamins so my poor insides can start recovering from the pharmaceutical pummeling i've given them - i'm a real pill adverse yogurt-weaving hippie at heart!

I have however picked up the nasty habit of examining my face every few minutes, poking at the swelling and worst of all judging the result! We all know that it takes months for the final result to appear so I really need to stop myself staring in the mirror every 5 minutes and thinking is my top lip too far forward/is my nose too big for my new chin etc stopitstopitstopit!!

So, back on subject, for the benefit of those soon to undergo jaw surgery let me introduce you to the meals you'll soon be enjoying morning, noon and night for a month or so. Doesn't it look appetising! It's almost magical how the most tasty and diverse ingredients form an almost universal taste once blended which you get sick of in no time. As for which meal this is, i'll leave you to guess!

mmmmm...slop!

Day 10 - first surgeon visit

2010-05-11T19:55:00.003+01:00

Double figures at last! The last 48 hours have been all about me grimacing in pain every time I ate/drank something, and it wasn't just my throat! All the soft tissues in my head were sore - even my inner ears would throb and hurt every time I swallowed, owwwwch! This morning, mercifully, it seemed to be easing, so it was a good day to be making my first visit to my surgeon since surgery, and I was looking forward to his appraisal of my progress.

It turned out to be a quick visit. Mr T. took a good look inside my mouth and declared that my recovery was going perfectly. He then changed my elastics to some looser ones, but told me at the same time that I was still not to move my jaw to chew or talk. Meh! He said that the throat tenderness was to be expected, and would pass in a few days, and for the next two weeks I was to carry on as I have been. I was hoping for clearance for soft chew and opening up a little so felt a bit disappointed, but confirmation that my recovery is on track is far more important so i'm not going to dwell on such trivialities.

So, another 2 weeks of hibernation on the cards with nothing to occupy me other than examining my ever changing reflection in the mirror and finding new foods to pureee. My swelling is still substantial enough to attract strange looks on the street so i'm not feeling confident enough to head out and about just yet, hopefully in a few days this will be different - I really need a haircut!!!

Day 8 - the return of pain

2010-05-09T19:24:00.003+01:00

Is the honeymoon over? Today has been a return to what I was expecting of recovery. Woke this morning to find the vague soreness in my throat had erupted into full on stinging pain, and even worse, my high energy levels had utterly dissolved. I was panic-stricken, what had gone wrong??

My first thoughts were that some sort of infection was setting in, but after day slumped on the sofa thinking it over i've realised that there's a much simpler answer - healing. Chances are my throat has been swollen since the start but was concealed by the numbness. Now that the nerves are beginning to recover sensation is returning and with it the feeling...and the pain. As for the energy levels i'm pretty sure adreneline, mixed with hospital drugs still in my system, have been keeping me pumped up during the first week of recovery. Now things are returning to normal my body's now doing what it should be doing and diverting all power to healing, so no more dancing around the living room.

Whilst this isn't the best news, i'm taking it as a good and natural step. After all, getting better from such a big operation was always going to involve the body going into shock doing strange things before recovering slowly. Quite frankly my first week experience was a bit of a charmed life and has set the bar stupidly high for the coming weeks, so I was expecting a crash down of some sort at any moment. Now it's happened i'm just going to do what I always planned to do - take my pain meds, relax, and wait for it all to pass.

No pictures today as i'm too tired. Not much change to report anyway.

7 days - first milestone!

2010-05-08T17:15:00.005+01:00

Hurrah! 1 week exactly since I had surgery, and it feels good to reach this first milestone. Woke up early this morning and have been reliving every moment of that day in my mind (it's X o'clock, so I was doing Y etc etc), I'm sure it won't be the only time I do this.

So the 7 day check-up goes like this: Swelling peaked around 3 days ago and has subsided a little, but as some areas go down others come up, and my cheeks and neck are a multicolour of bruises. It rather looks like i've had botched cheek implant surgery, but isn't so bad I can't head out in public (albeit with my hair right over my face). I stopped taking pain meds 2 days ago as I simply don't need them, but my throat has been sore for the past 3 days or so. I put this down to the soft tissue back there taking its turn to swell rather than any surgical tube damage. Exterior numbness is limited to the bottom left hand side of my lip and area of chin below, but inside my upper gums and pallette are completely dead - I was cleaning up after a meal and almost gouged out a bit of gum without realising it!

The plan for the next few days is a big fat NOTHING. I think my recovery is going so well as i'm doing as little as possible and making sure I relax - the hardest decision anyone should be making at this stage is which flavour smoothie to have - and so i'm not going to ruin it all by rushing back into life just yet, the world can make do without me for another week or so :)

Day 6

2010-05-07T20:28:00.004+01:00

Almost at the week mark and swelling is down, discomfort is down and energy is up! Here is me giving my biggest smile possible!

Have to say I did not expect to be so chipper at this stage in the game - thought the difficult period would continue at least until day 10, but today I found myself dancing around my flat to the radio and admiring my new overbite in the mirror at every opportunity. What's contributing to this great mood is relief - it's only now I realise that the pre-surgery worries and fears were weighing me down like a millstone. Don't think I was entirely aware of this at the time, or of the toll it was taking...

Day 5 - election fever!

2010-05-06T21:14:00.003+01:00

I'm now passing the 100+ hours since surgery mark and all is well. Appetite is pretty strong (takes more than a couple of broken jaws to get between me and cheesecake!), strength slowly returning and swelling is no longer increasing. I'm still experiencing strange light-headed floaty moments, but they pass pretty quickly and arn't altogether unpleasant - in fact the unreal feeling goes quite nicely with watching my face change shape by the hour and examining my new overbite with astonishment (it's still a thrill to see!).

Today's target was to get out and vote - it's a general election day here in the UK and i'm a huge believer in getting involved. So after a few moments dithering over whether to cover my swollen face I decided hold my head up high and stay uncovered, probably scaring the returning officers and a few other voters in the process. Have to say I didn't get many looks, which is quite impressive as i've now got yellow and purple bruises appearing everywhere (my camera isn't doing justice to the colour pallette emerging on my face and neck). But the walk outside definitely felt better than yesterday, I'll definitely be taking a daily stroll from now on.

Sleeping is ok, but for tonight i'm settling in to watch the election results rolling in and enjoying spending time thinking about something other than my face for the first time in ages!

(NB for anyone who has already had surgery, did you have any mysterious bruises appear? I've had this beauty come up despite all the tubes and drugs going in to a far smaller bruise on the other arm. The explanation I got was that 'a line' needed to go in and out during surgery. What was it? Why did it make such a mess??)

I've reached day 4, and am finally beginning to feel human again! The swelling seems to have reached its peak, and bruising is now coming out (which apparently is a good sign of healing). Energy levels are good, and so is appetite, so all in i'm feeling quite pleased with my progress. (excuse the lolling eyes that keep showing up in my photos, i'm not really that doped-up looking)

I have however had to make a few compromises on the recovery front. Found out last night that if I want to get a good night's sleep there's no point bothering with much head elevation. I know it's good for the swelling, but right now I think sleep takes priority and I don't want to start taking sleeping pills to get some shut eye.

Today's plan is pretty simple - head out for some fresh air. Living in my patch of central London, the only green space within walking distance is a cemetery, but it's full of trees and birds, and I can enjoy the spring blossom and sunlight - much needed after the dark and scary few days i've been through.

Day 3

2010-05-04T14:09:00.002+01:00

72 hours down, and i'm focusing on getting through the first difficult few days without freaking out.

Last night was pretty tough as sleeping with an elevated head is not working out at all. I managed a few hours but half the night was taken up with tossing, turning, rearranging pillows and generally feeling uncomfortable. My face also felt like it was about to burst with the swelling, and I ended up sitting in my living room at 4am with ice packs held to my face watching the dawn creep in.

So today is all about toughing it out and focusing on the positives - not being in pain, having a good appetite, and knowing it should all get better in the coming days. The congestion is by far the most difficult thing - imagine having a very heavy head cold and you'll get the idea (along with the light headedness and blocked feeling that accompanies it), and not being about to blow my nose is torture. Mr T suggested a bath as the steam should help loosten things up a little. I really hope so!

Day 2

2010-05-03T14:54:00.006+01:00

I'm home from hospital, and it feels great to finally be out :)

After yesterday's update Mr T came to undo my elastics a little, so at least I could get my medication down, and I went to bed feeling much better. I was obviously exausted as I slept for 6 hours, but not before choking on and coughing up huge blood clots, which I was only able to get out thanks to my newly loostened elastics - gross!

This morning Dr T announced me ready to go home and A collected me around 11. All the effort of getting up and packed was exhausting so i've not got a nice little den for myself set up on the couch. It feels great to be home! Too exhaused to write anymore so i'm leaving you to peruse my pics..

Live from the hospital bed!

2010-05-02T16:04:00.004+01:00

I made it though! Surgery took no time at all - about 2.5 hours and I had no genio (Mr T wasn't sure I needed one after all)Yay!

Waking up yesterday morning was awful, despite maintaining an air of calmness on the journey I was secretly terrified, and wasn't helped by the nurse who showed me to my room saying 'jaw surgery? Ohh you'll be uncomfortable tonight'. Just what I needed to hear! Following a quick visit from Mr T to go over final points, the anaethnatist showed up to say hello and wished me good luck for surgery. He also told me I would not be in pain afterwards. I hoped he was right.

So, I'd unpacked and changed into my lovely surgical robes when the nurse came back an announced it was time to go up. I kissed A goodbye and walked up shaking like a leaf, I was absolutely petrified! There I met Mr anaethnatist again with his team who told me to climb up onto the table to be put under.'Just give me a second' I said again and again, panicing and desperately putting off the inevitable, but the time had come! He asked me to count down from 20, and as I started a freezing sensation crept slowly up my arm. I remember reaching 14 and that it all went dark.

The next thing I recall was waking up here in bed. As the anaethnatist had promised there was no pain, and was feeling pretty good. First thing I did was run my hand over my face to discover that I had feeling - a different, tingly kind of feeling, but feeling nonetheless! The only place that was totally numb was the roof of my mouth which felt dead. Then came the best bit, running my tongue over my teeth and feeling for the first time my lowers sitting neatly behind my uppers. At last :)

Since then things have been pretty uncomfortable. As soon as I tilted my head blood would come gushing out and i've had to change my robe several times. Now my nose is full of dried blood but i'm not allowed to so much as touch it in case I trigger off more bleeding, and it's highly uncomfortable. As for the swelling it's as bad as everyone says, and I hardly recognise myself. I've had an ice pack on constantly which seems to help but i'm currently avoiding looking in the mirror as it triggers 'ohmygodwhathaveIdone?' thoughts.

I did manage a few hours sleep last night, but was constantly woken up by the need to visit the bathroom (tip: rehydration drips and constant drinking is not a good idea!), which meant calling a nurse, unplugging all the monitors, wheeling them in, cleaning up all the nose-blood that comes with it etc etc.

The worst part of all this has in fact being taking my Crohn's medication, which does not fit between my new bite, and i've almost been in tears of frustration trying to get it down. Still, one step at at time.

So now i'm just killing time reading the papers, surfing the web, and generally putting distance between me and the surgery. Hopefully i'll be going home tomorrow.

Surgery tomorrow

2010-04-30T17:51:00.003+01:00

The time has come for me to sign off from this side of the journey. I've just returned from getting my surgical hooks attached, and am fully stocked up on smoothies and ice-cream. For the rest of the evening I plan a long bath, a good dinner, and then bed to attempt some sleep (though heaven knows if i'll be able to)

The plan for tomorrow is this, up at 6.15am for final dithering then a short tube ride to the hospital for 7.30. I should be going down about 9.30ish and will be back in my room sometime in the early afternoon. I'm booked in for a 2 night stay so will be back home on Monday. I'm taking a ton of stuff to keep me entertained, including my laptop, and am hoping to distract myself enough not to worry too much about what's going on in the jaw department.

Can't say i'm feeling too nervous right now, the meditation and relaxation techniques I've worked on seem to be helping keep me calm. Tomorrow will probably be a different story but i'm not too worried, after all who wouldn't get scared at the prospect of imminant jaw breakage! So hopefully i'll just relax and treat whatever crops up as part of the whole adventure.

See you on the other side :)

3 days to surgery...

2010-04-28T14:41:00.003+01:00

Yesterday was my final appointment with Mr T to test the fit of the wafers (to the uninitiated, these are nothing to do with ice-cream, but rather pre-measured molds which are used during surgery showing where the teeth need to be for the perfect bite). It didn’t take 5 minutes to establish that everything was fine, then we sat down for a final chin wag before the big day.

We began on the subject of the sliding genio, and apparently this is the only part of surgery that isn’t decided for certain beforehand. He told me that once my jaws are in their new positions, he and his team would have a shufti at my profile and face shape, and only then decide if it is necessary. I asked him how he judges this, and he told me that in 9 out of 10 cases it’s very clear if the chin is in proportion or not. If, however, I fall in to the 1 in 10 category where the decision is not so easy, then he will not go ahead. This is all highly reassuring :) and while i’ll still go in expecting a genio, it’ll be a lovely surprise to wake up and find it wasn’t needed.

We then moved on to the question of fitness. As a thrice weekly gym goer plus yoga plus generally active person I was hoping for a go-ahead at the two week point for walks and gentle stretching/toning to begin, but Mr T was adamant: no activity for 6 weeks! When I protested that this seemed a bit harsh I was told in no uncertain terms about risks of pressure on the jaw/light headedness causing me to fall on my face etc etc ok ok I get the point! While I’m sure caution is the best policy I’m not so sure I’ll be able to sit and do nothing while I develop bingo wings and a gut, so for the moment I’ll say silent on that issue..

Finally I asked him about the heat/ice packs i’ve bought. He said that the ice packs would come in handy, but I was not to use heat AT ALL as it increases the chances of developing an infection. Fine by me, infections sound horrendous.

So, 3 days to go, better start packing. After last week’s postponement fingers crossed that no other dumb reason crops up to stop surgery!

Pre-surgery photos

2010-04-24T19:19:00.005+01:00

It's about time I unveiled a few 'before' photos to show what my surgeon will be up against next Saturday. As you can see, it's a pretty impressive underbite i've got going on, and a nice deficient midface to boot. When Mr T. gets going he'll be pulling my upper jaw forward 4mm and pushing the lower back 2, he'll also be doing a genio to keep facial symmetry in balance.

It's a weird feeling knowing that the bottom half of my face will look completely different pretty soon but i'm not worried, after all my messed up bite couldn't be much worse right now!

Surgery postponed!

2010-04-21T19:33:00.001+01:00

Gah! Damn them all!

Got a message from Mr T's office this morning. Mr T has been stranded in Switzerland since the Icelandic volcano ash closed European airspace, and will not arrive back until Sunday! My surgery slot on Friday has been cancelled and rebooked for May 1st, and i'm gutted, gutted, gutted :(

It may only be an 8 day delay, but building up to surgery is proving an emotionally exhausting experience - one minute you're gleeful and the next fearful, and all the while the countdown clock in your mind is reminding you that in X amount of days and hours you'll be there in the recovery room experiencing heaven-knows-what!

So, i've stood down family and friends, and have ANOTHER final weekend to try and relax.

Frustration.....

Surgery in four days...

2010-04-19T22:35:00.001+01:00

The excitement/nerves are increasing! I've got my final appt with Mr T. on Wednesday when he'll check the bite plate templates are correct, then we're good to go!

Friday's plan is as follows: show up at my orthodontists at 11.30 to get surgical hooks attached, arrive at the hospital at 12.30, down to the operating theatre for 2.30 and be in recovery by 5.30/6pm, job done. Makes it sound so simple! I've also found out that the hospital has wifi and intend to take in my laptop - I could be sharing my sufferings with the world as early as Friday night!

The only thing that's not so cool is that my mum won't be here. She wanted to come up for the op and recovery, but thanks to my (naive) belief that I'd be having surgery on the 12 month mark, she went ahead and booked a holiday to Africa for the whole of April thinking i'd be good and recovered by then. My sister's interest in this begins and ends with my availability to babysit for her during recovery so support from there is out. Sooo lucky have A. and my friends to chivvy me through :)

Planning to get some decent before pics up here by Friday...

Get thee behind me invalid!

2010-04-13T20:22:00.004+01:00

Just got back from a quick holiday to Iceland to take my mind off things. Before going away I was too busy planning excusions and outings to
think much about surgery, but now there's nothing else to focus on except the BIG DAY. It's all starting to feel very scary!

Fortunately, yesterday was my latest appt with Mr T. We kicked off with further moulds and measurements, after which he pulled out a device called a facebow, which looked a bit like a scold's bridle, and attached it to my face which he then fiddled round with for a while. Afterwards we sat down and went over The Plan again, and I quizzed him on waking up from surgery. He reassured me that I would be woken very slowly, and that the local anaesthetic injected into my face and painkiller via the IV would ensure that I won't be in any pain when I come round, which is hugely reassuring as i'm terrified of waking up in agony and panic.

With so little time left all I need to do is stay healthy, but that's easier said than done as pestilential people seem to be popping up everywhere coughing in my direction and fingering all the surfaces around them! One recent bronchitis sufferer in the office (who i've been avoiding like the plague) even came up to my desk, grabbed my new Sigg water bottle (without asking), and began turning it over in his hands! Had to resist the urge to shriek "get your germ-ridden mitts off my stuff!" Once he'd left I promptly legged it to the kitchen to give the bottle a thorough disinfecting.

So, next up is Dr H tomorrow. I've heard nasty things about surgical hooks so i'm hoping that it won't be in this appt that he chooses to inflict these evil things upon me - I want to enjoy my final weekend of eating in comfort!

3 weeks 5 days to go...

2010-03-28T11:57:00.001+01:00

Met up with an old friend for dinner last week who said she was suprised to see differences in my face already. I was suprised too - didn't think that much had changed apart from a worstening of my underbite! Just goes to show that we probably miss most of the subtle alterations that go on during our time in braces by seeing our reflections day to day. It's good to know they're working their magic even though we don't realise it...

So the countdown reached four weeks last friday, and right on cue my appointment letter arrived from the hospital, asking me to report to reception at the civilised hour of 12.30pm on surgery day. I was expecting some godforsaken 6am appointment, so this is good news.

I'm also coping pretty well with the nerves. Some of the tips i've read about coping with anxiety during this time can be summed up by a certain french philosopher, who said "My life has been full of misfortunes, most of which never happened" - in other words it's all too easy to get wound up imagining all the terrible things that can occur during surgery and recovery, when there's every possibility that they won't actually happen at all, so whats the purpose of worrying for nothing? I'm telling myself this everytime I feel uncertainty creeping up, and this seems to be working so far!

As for more practical matters, i've finally got cracking on my shopping list, picking up a few bits and pieces to make recovery more comfortable. However, the jaw bra and zip n squeeze thingies that I wanted seem unheard of here in the uk, so i'll just have to improvise and rely on whatever the hospital supply me with to eat.

So, next appt with Mr T is on April 12th for further wax-ups. Time to surgery is FLYING by, and with Easter and a quick holiday coming up I'll be on the threshold before I know it!

Getting closer

2010-03-21T19:25:00.004Z

So...four weeks five days to the big day. I've finally calmed down, and it's time to start on my preparations.

Unfortunately I'll be having to recover in my small flat in central London rather than escaping to mum's place in the country as Dr H and Mr T want to see me every few days after surgery, so it's going to be a rather uncomfortable few weeks for both me and A.

First big decision is where to sleep. There's no room for a recliner in here, and staying in bed with A next to me will probably keep us both awake all night, so I think the living room sofa bed is my only option - next to the kitchen and bathroom for nocturnal requirements, and allowing A to get a good night's sleep so he wait on me properly during the day :)

I'm going to invest in a wedge pillow and new fluffy pillows in order to make the sleeping upright lark a bit more comfortable, as well as a lap tray and lots of napkins. A trip to Marks & Sparks is also in order to pick up new pajamas and trackie bottoms - I imagine i'll be living in these for a least a month, and i've already checked out protein drinks and smoothies that can all be picked up a few days beforehand.

My big focus, however, is entertainment. I think that the best way to deal with the inevitable post-op emotional rollercoaster is to keep myself as distracted as possible, particularly during the first 10 days. So i'm ordering piles of my favourite movies and TV programmes on DVD as well as several large tomes - the final Twilight book has already arrived and i'm itching to get going on it!

I'm also more than a little preoccupied with the thought of my final meal, as I can't possibly go into this without a last food hurrah. Unfortunately my list of favourites is far to long to fit into one meal, so i'll be having a dish every weekend between now and the Big Day. Already on the list is sushi, fish n chips, a great curry and lashings of chocolate in any shape or form.

Appointments-wise I was at Dr H's last Thursday for final photos and Xrays. He'll now meet with Mr T for a final chin wag before they call me in to go over the Plan. So all I can do is wait for the call...

Quick update - OMG I have a date!

2010-03-05T17:00:00.003Z

Just had an email from Mr T's office saying the surgery will go ahead on 23rd April!I was hoping for date sooner than that, but hey at least it's now there and set in stone.

So i've 7 weeks exactly to prepare for my journey to the Other Side. Doesn't sound long! Think I need a lie down!!

Meeting no 2 with surgeon

2010-03-02T10:35:00.003Z

Met with Mr T again for a second round of surgery discussions yesterday. He started off by taking all sorts of measurements of my face and teeth, before announcing that I would need a correction of roughly 6mm. This will be achieved by advancing the upper jaw foward 4mm and the lower back by 2mm, it amazes me how such little movement can make such a big difference! He said the upper movement would cause my nose to expand by roughly 1mm each side, and would also cause the end to turn up slightly - I have a narrow nose anyway and so none of this bothers me. He also said that he would be tilting the upper jaw in such a way that would fill out the flat mid-section of my face a little more, and so give my face more of a normal convex shape rather than the concave shape it currently has. Cool! Cheekbones at last :)

In order to illustrate this he pulled up the 3D picture I had taken the other week and compared it with an 'after' shot he'd worked on. To be honest the after shot made me look like the type of lunatic you'd avoid on the street, but he assured me that the 3D simulation was more for illustrative purposes rather than an exact prediction of how I would look (bloody well hope so!)

Finally he said he'd be meeting with Dr H after my next appt with him on the 18th March to finalise the surgery plan, straight after which he'd see me to discuss dates. I'm PRAYING that this means I can have my surgery at the end of the month, so will be doing my best to talk Dr H into giving the go ahead for an early date.

It was great to have such a positive meeting, all the more so as I had my mum with me. She's been quite dubious about the sugery up until now so I hoped that sitting in on this meeting would reassure her. When I asked how she felt afterwards she said "well, I can now see why you're doing it", which is quite a turnaround from someone who never usually changes their mind about anything.

So, onwards to Friday 18th! The other side is on the horizon :)

Meeting no.1 with surgeon

2010-02-09T16:43:00.008Z

Yesterday was a BIG day - I had an appointment with Mr T. for the first time in almost 2 years, though walking through his consulting rooms again it felt like we'd only just met last week. Where does the time go?

After getting control of my nerves and jelly legs we got down to business, and he started off with bad news - because of my new teeth position he thought it would be best to move the lower jaw as well as the upper, as too much advancement of the upper jaw would throw out my face alignment. Felt a shiver down my spine as soon as he said this - i'd been hoping I could get away with just an upper and genio, but it seems the only option is the full works. He also told me he was worried that tongue thrust could possibly cause a relapse post-op, and so would make allowances for it during surgery by leaving a posterior open bite (which will compensate for any relapse with some sort of see-saw effect, or could later be closed using braces).

He wasn't pleased to hear about my Crohn's diagnosis 6 months ago and grimaced when I showed him the pills that I have to take every day, he now plans to speak with my specialist asap in order to discuss medications and will let me know the outcome at our next appointment in 3 weeks. All that was left to do afterwards was have a 3D photograph taken, which he will work on and show me next time, and get a few Xrays taken.

All in all a pretty sobering appointment which left me feeling quite down for the rest of the day, but this morning i've perked up. These next few weeks are bound to be a bit of an emotional roller-coaster as the inevitable "what-am-I-doing?" thoughts crop up, but my motivations are still as strong as ever and cancel out the doubts pretty quickly. Hope I can maintain a cool head for as long as possible...

On Her Majesty's service

2010-02-05T17:14:00.005Z

Things are finally hotting up around here!I had an adjustment yesterday in advance of the first pre-op meeting with my surgeon (taking place in 3 days time), Dr. H announced that he'd be taking x-rays and final records at our next session in 6 weeks, and would be writing to Mr. T in order to make plans for the surgery itself. Yippee! I'm so pleased that we're finally getting down to business! I also had hooky steel wires inserted on each side top and bottom, to which they attached another lighter wire, which seems to be doing the job I was expecting from elastics (I'll post a pic asap so this makes sense). It's proving tricky to get the floss under both sets of wires so my evening bathroom routine is now clocking in at over 20 minutes!

Whilst Dr. H's assistant was at work on my wires we were chatting (as much as you can when your mouth is full of someone else's fingers) about celebs who'd worn braces, and she mentioned that they sometimes had famous faces come through the door. I asked her to give me some names and she told me they'd done the braces for two of the royal family! My first thought on hearing this was 'no wonder you're so friggin' expensive', but I was still impressed. She also mentioned a rather dishy hollywood actor who brings his kids there - I'd better start hanging around the waiting room a bit more often!

A date decision

2010-01-05T19:18:00.007Z

Damn these orthodontists! Just when you think you've got everything nicely planned out they go and chuck a huge spanner in the works!

I positively skipped along to my adjustment last month eager for Dr H's decision on the big day - early Feb, I hoped, maybe even late Jan if they get their skates on :) Initial signs looked good with lots of oohing and aahing over my latest set of impressions and statements of "we're really close now!", so when the moment came to ask the BIG question I was positive there would be good news.

It wasn't to be. Dr H had a final fiddle with the moulds and pronounced that I would be ready "in three to four months, probably around easter" EASTER?! WTF? He then proceeded to go over what still needed to be done, but by now I was too numb with shock to register. Three extra months? I'm gutted! I was so ready for the surgery and now this delay is hugely frustrating. It also means that I'll have to do some temping in the meantime rather than sit around twiddling my thumbs and using up my redundancy package, which I need to live off during my surgery convalescence. It would have been such perfect timing in my life to have it now :(

Still, just as I was despairing of ever making any progress, Dr H.s assistant suggested I call up my surgeon's office and give them my timeline, and see when Mr. T would like his his first appointment with me. She didn't have to ask twice! I raced home and got straight on the blower. Mr. T's office suggested that if I wanted the 'pick of the dates' around easter I should come in anytime from 8th feb onwards, so naturally I requested the 8th itself. Hopefully I can impress on Mr.T the urgency of my predicament, so that he could then put the heavies on Dr.H to pronounce me set to go (yes I know surgery really can't be done until the teeth are ready, but perhaps there's some wiggle room in the definition of 'ready'?). Maybe I should take a bribe along - a nice bottle of Port, some chocs, or maybe even a brand new scalpel? :)

“But the tigers come at night…

2009-12-03T18:24:00.006Z

…with their voices soft as thunder”.

I am starting to experience pre-surgery nerves. During the day I am Miss Positive - totally happy, envisaging a perfect result, a smiling surgeon and a happy ending. Once I lie down to sleep however, my thoughts invariably turn in a darker direction, imagining things going wrong, suffering complications or terrible results, and I can’t seem to stop them.

All the surgery veterans out there would probably say that this is inevitable and not to dwell on the negative, but this new Crohn’s diagnosis has rather knocked my confidence for six. Now i’m having to refocus on my goal and work extra hard to banish those 3am terrors from my mind. It’s probably a good idea to stop reading any negative surgery stories, as they seem to crop up from time to time on archwired.com and terrify the life out of me. Best stick to the blogs of those who have gone before me and have had good results, as nothing is more inspiring that someone at the end of the process saying that all the stress and anguish is worth it. I’ve also started studying meditation techniques which will hopefully help in the build up to the Big Day.

Positive thinking, happy thoughts….

A Telling Off!

2009-11-24T11:08:00.006Z

Uh-oh, i’m in trouble! At my adjustment last week I was told off for having slightly inflamed gums, and a build-up of plaque on some of my teeth. Now between you and me, these endless rounds of brushing, flossing, scraping and everything else are starting to grate a little – who wants to embark on all that work after rolling in from a late night out or a long cinema session? This didn’t stop me from denying all knowledge of any slackness, but the incriminating evidence was presented to me sternly on a hook. Busted! Still, this process will only be harder if my teeth are in poor shape so I suppose a sharp kick up the bum was deserved.

Things got better when Dr H. announced that he would indeed be taking moulds this session. At last! I’ve been promised a surgery date indication at my next adjustment once he’s played around with the teeth, but was a little disheartened to hear him telling his assistant not to worry if the moulds aren’t perfect as ‘they’re not surgical moulds yet’. Bugger! Here was me hoping i’d get the green light next time for surgery, but I guess this confirms that I won’t have to worry about eating my Christmas lunch through a syringe.

In other news, mum has started asking about the surgery date more and more! I think it’s a sign that she’s finally accepted that’s it’s going ahead rather than is happy about it so i'm still going keep quiet around her. I’m pretty sure the end result will speak for itself, and to all the naysayers i'm really looking forward to saying “I told you so!”

Next adjustment and (hopefully) big surgery date decision on Dec 17.

A Lady of Leisure

2009-11-04T21:26:00.013Z

A fantastic development to report - I have left my hated job, and received redundancy payments enough to allow me to take the next 6 months off work! This is great news as I will now be able to take a good long time to recover after surgery :) It's such a relief, i'm convinced that the stress of that hateful role had something to do with my recent ill health, and now i've left it hopefully those problems are all behind me - now I can give my full attention to building up to the Big Day!

Speaking of the big day, I have my next adjustment on 12th November and i'm hoping for some further indication of a surgery month. Given I havn't yet had my moulds taken or elastics fitted I think I can safely assume December is out, so i'm going to keep my fingers crossed for early Jan.
Also hoping I can meet with Mr T. again soon, it's been over a year since i've seen him so it would be good to go over the plans again.

Teeth-wise all is pretty boring, the second molars are now tilting upright but everything else is the same. I can't see what else there is to do in there, but hey what would I know about the dark arts of orthodontistry?!

PS - Attention All the Better to Bite you with Kate! Hope you're out there and doing well, really miss reading your blog!

Well THAT was unexpected!

2009-09-21T14:22:00.012+01:00

I’m back! It’s been an absolute age since my last update, but I can assure you that the delay was for very good reasons…

As you may recall from my previous posts, I was going through an incredibly stressful time at work and was struggling to deal with it emotionally. Well, this anxiety had a heavy price to pay as I became very ill and landed myself in hospital. To cut a long story short I ended up spending 10 nights there and came out with a diagnosis of Crohn’s Disease! This was devastating news and has taken me quite some time to come to terms with it, but now I’m on the road to recovery and am once again able to turn my attention back to my favourite subject :)

“So what’s this got to do with your teeth?” I hear you ask. Well, for a start I found out that Crohn’s causes mouth ulcers, which explains why i've been suffering from the pesky devils these past few years and why all my previous dentists' attempts at cures have failed (SLS free toothpaste, special mouthwashes, dietary changes, you name it I tried it), so anyone else out there who is suffering inexplicable canker sores may want to get themselves checked out. Also, my first concerns on hearing the diagnosis were the implications for my jaw surgery; what if Mr T. won’t operate because of it?! Surely I won’t have to give up after coming all this way?! With these alarming thoughts in mind I rushed along on Monday to my appointment with Dr H. and hesitantly broke the news. Luckily it’s nothing to worry about, Dr H assured me he’s had several patients with Crohn’s who have gone through with surgery and all have been ok. PHEW!!!

As for my progress update here’s the latest: Dr H extended my lower archwire so it now connects up to the 2nd molars on each side which are still tilted slightly downwards. My rotated lateral incisor has rotated back in to place nicely in the last 2 months and now only slightly overlaps the teeth on either side – this was the tooth that Dr H was planning to shave down, but the overlap is so small I’m not sure he’ll even bother. No sign of the dreaded elastics yet but with my teeth being more or less in place I’m sure they’re not far away.

I also asked about our original timeline for a December ‘ready’ date and he announced that he’d take moulds at our next appt in 6 weeks and would give me an answer once he’d looked at them. I’ve still got my fingers crossed for a Dec/Jan surgery date so will be keeping up the pressure to finish me off quickly. The thought of finally getting my teeth fixed was something that kept me going through the dark times in hospital, so it can’t come soon enough!

Discantus Redux!

2009-07-08T18:04:00.002+01:00

I almost named this post ‘suck it up’, as after a reasonable amount of time moping, i’ve decided to give myself a good kick up the ar*e and get over it - there are so many people in a worse position than myself that I really shouldn’t be bleating on about how bad things are. It’ll only be a matter of months until my operation, after which I’ll be free to fix my work situation with a fabulous new smile to boot. Life is really too short to be miserable, so i’m back in the saddle and focusing on 6 more months of orthodontic fun and surgery anticipation to document in my trusty blog. My next appointment is in two weeks, when I suspect the dreaded elastics will be attached, bring it on!

Now that I’m way past the 6 month mark I’m tentatively starting to feel like a brace ‘veteran’! Newbie posts on Archwired.com make me come over all sentimental about my initial days in braces, and I’ve got the fine art of under-archwire floss threading down to a tee. So in the spirit of my newly developed wisdom I’ve decided to revisit my old assumptions about how life in braces would be, for the benefit of any of those reading this who are about to set off on their own journey. Here are the top 4 assumptions I made just before I was fitted up:

That I would always HATE my brace. – FALSE
OK, so it’s hardly my most flattering feature, but my feelings of loathing towards it dissipated surprisingly quickly once I was fitted up, and it wasn’t long before the hardware was blending into my features so seamlessly that I felt I’d had it on for years. I still sigh in disappointment over my increasing underbite and will bite through wood to get away from a camera pointed in my direction, but when I look in the mirror I no longer see myself plus hideously disfiguring metalware, I just see me.

That living with a brace would be a big deal – FALSE
Anticipation turned out to be far worse than reality. After so long fretting over other people’s stares, gossip, reactions etc it came as quite a surprise that most people really didn’t give a monkeys. I guess this proves that it’s easy to get emotionally tied up in what seems like such a huge change to us, but in reality other people are too concerned with their own day to day lives to care about our life-dramas. Had I known this before I wouldn’t have spent 6 months hesitating before taking the plunge…

The pain would be terrible – TRUE and FALSE
An inevitable part of the process really. Everyone has their own pain threshold and there have been a few low points along the way. But on balance I don’t think the painful periods I’ve gone through outweigh the achievement of getting halfway toward surgery. Would I be happy going through the same thing for another 6 months? Definitely - no pain no gain as they say!

That i’d get bored talking/reading about teeth and orthognathic surgery – definitely FALSE
Surely, I thought, after a couple of months I’d become bored of the entire subject – BUT NO! Even after all this time i’m endlessly fascinated by it, and like nothing more than to talk and read about peoples experiences who are going through the same thing. Can’t seem to remember what I did with all that time before my brace came along, hope I don’t miss it too much when it’s gone :)

Paying the price

2009-06-10T12:42:00.005+01:00

6 months in, and had my 4th adjustment on Monday. It was a pretty good session, Dr H fitted a steel wire with 2 hooks resting by my canines, and announced I was well on track to be surgery ready by December – Yipeee! The hooks, unexpectedly, are not proving to be the demonic torture devices I was anticipating, though having flicked through the archives of archwired.com I expect it’ll be a different story once the elastics are attached. Dr H also announced he will ‘start work’ on the rotated tooth at the bottom next time. This could mean either slenderizing or removal, but I expect that it’s the former - surely he wouldn’t have spent all these months rotating it this way and that only to end up pulling it out!

So I should be out celebrating all the good things going on right now, but committing myself to this process is now having serious consequences on my life. The company I work for has been heavily hit by redundancies recently, and now I’ve had to choose between taking severance or accepting a demotion in order to carry on here. If things were otherwise I would probably accept the payout, but I really can’t afford my orthodontics and surgery without a regular paycheck coming in. Jobs are thin on the ground right now, and even if I do eventually come across a good one my surgery could possibly be a matter of weeks away by then. Can’t see how any firm would be willing to take on an employee who’s looking for a month’s paid sick leave so soon when there are dozens of candidates for the job, so I’ve reluctantly taken the decision to accept the demotion. I can’t begin to express what a blow this is. Plan to get out of this situation quick sharp once I’m through surgery, but the thought of those months stretching out ahead of me between now and then is really hard to bear. Still, I said at the start I’d do whatever it takes to get this done, and it seems fate plans to test my resolve to the limit. Rest assured though, the moment I come round from the anaesthetic I’ll be reaching for my CV and pen…

Getting impatient!

2009-05-15T12:59:00.010+01:00

I am feeling distinctly left out right now! There are currently a glut of surgeries going on amongst my fellow ortho bloggers, and whilst being really happy to see them finally go through to the other side, I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy as I’m still stuck way back down the road. However my 6 month braceversary is just around the corner – which theoretically means I’m halfway towards the Big Day! I’ve been eagerly awaiting a time when I can get stuck into my preparations so will view this momentous occasion as the green light to start pondering over choices of the infamous Zip ‘n Squeeze bags, perusing various wedge pillows, and generally joining with all the fun that i’ve been impatiently watching from the sidelines all these months…

Regarding my weekend away , there’s no good news on the mother front sadly: she only brought up the subject of my braces twice, first to comment that they must be difficult to keep clean, and then to remark that my teeth looked ‘rather stained’. Hardly the words of someone coming round to an idea. I just can’t understand why she won’t get over her reservations about surgery and start supporting me properly now that everything is set in stone! What’s worse is that i’m now feeling reluctant to go back home to recover post op, even though it’s by far the best place to be. Ironically she’d hit the roof if I said I wasn’t staying with her afterwards, but being looked after by someone who can barely disguise their disapproval doesn’t sound like much fun to me. Ho hum, guess i’ll see how things unfold in the next few months.

The weekend also brought up other unwelcome developments, I was browsing the photos from the party we attended and noticed that my underbite now looks worse than ever! The downward-chin-tilt trick that used to shrink my chin now exposes acres of space between my top and bottom arches when I smile, and my jaw juts out alarmingly despite my efforts to pull it back for photos. This, combined with the braces themselves turning my teeth into sludgy grey looking stumps, makes close up shots truly hideous. I hate them! There’s only really one thing to do - BAN photos of myself taken closer that 3 feet away. This could prove tricky given all the summer events I’m planning to attend, particularly at Royal Ascot next month. I’ll just have to wear an enormous hat which I can tilt towards any prying cameras that get too close!

Next adjustment is on 8th June. Dr H. was making threatening noises about hooks last time, so i’d better get the pain killers ready…

Adjustment no. 3!

2009-04-28T11:42:00.008+01:00

How long will it take to relax with this whole process?

This was the question going around in my mind whilst on the way to Dr H’s yesterday, as despite being 5 months and several visits into the journey i’m STILL feeling hugely anxious on adjustment day, and tend to spend the preceding 24 hours coping with butterflies and jelly legs! I really need to start getting a grip of these nerves or heaven knows how I’ll react once surgery appears on the horizon, but for the moment I’m still taking a deep breath at the practice door and pushing my hands deep into my pockets, so that when I walk in no-one notices them shaking.

Needless to say I had nothing to worry about. Dr H. and the team put a new ugly wire of a higher number on the top (with a great deal of pushing and shoving I might add-my brackets never open or close without a fight) and swapped out the spring thingy on the bottom for one that was stronger. I’ve not really noticed any tooth movement going on since last time, including around the spring, but apparently there has actually been progress. Now we’ve only got a few more gaps to open and are waiting for the upper arch to completely straighten before things can move on. I also had a much needed clean to remove staining and build up – which is still causing me a lot of grief between visits, but Dr H. wasn’t able to find a cause for the bleeding and sensitivity that I’ve experienced recently, and speculated that increased pressure on the lower molars may be the cause (they are really the only teeth that meet up with the upper set), I was relieved to hear it wasn’t something more serious.

For the next visit Dr H’s assistant told me that I’d be getting a steel wire on top, along with a set of hooks. Hooks? Ouch! As an ulcer-prone individual that word sends a chill down my spine! I asked the purpose of these new torture devices and was told they would “hold elastics and close gaps”. Hold on – havn’t we been working on opening gaps all this time? The purpose of all this is rather lost on me – I can only conclude that my ortho truly does work in mysterious ways!

Still, I have bigger things to worry about: in two weeks I’ll be accompanying my mother to a 60th birthday in a city some distance from London, which will mean the two of us making the long journey together. I’ve deliberately stayed out of her way since she gave me so much grief about having surgery, but I’m hoping a few hours alone in the car will help clear the air. Not planning to bring up the subject directly but am hoping it will crop up whilst chatting. Surely she can’t ignore it for much longer?

Divine relief

2009-04-14T14:45:00.006+01:00

St. Appolonia - good with teeth!

I have been distracted from my favourite subject over the last few weeks by pesky exams, so it’s nice to come back and discover that four and a half months are now up on the clock. This could potentially mean i’m a third of the way through my journey to the big day! Really hope it’s the case as my brace continues to find new and devilish ways of tormenting me, and my underbite gradually worsens as the weeks go by.

The newest developments I have to report are extreme sensitivity whilst brushing around my molars and bleeding gums. Not sure what I’ve done to deserve this latest round of punishment as my dental regime is pretty good, but for some reason most brushing sessions in the past few weeks have led to varying amounts of blood on my toothbrush. I’ve managed to calm things down by re-introducing interdental brushes to my routine which seem to have done the trick, but it’s bumped my evening bathroom time back up to almost half an hour! Once i’ve got through the mouthwash, ordinary brush, pick-shaped brush, floss (the biggest time killer), interdental brushes, wax and mouth ulcer gel i’m lucky if I’m done in 20 minutes. What makes it worse is that A. gives his teeth a quick two minute scrub and is straight off to bed, and his teeth are as happy as Larry! It’ll be interesting to hear what Dr. H makes of it when I see him in two weeks. Does every other brace-wearer spend hours in the bathroom like this or am I setting some sort of new world record?

Happened to find out the other day that a certain St Appolonia is the Patron Saint of dentistry and tooth related problems. Wonder if she does braces and orthognathic surgery too? Might be a good time to offer up a few prayers as I could do with a bit of divine relief right now…

Braces and Beers!

2009-03-06T10:12:00.023Z

Second adjustment time came on Monday, and I managed to make it a very tough one for myself!

Back in Jan when I made my first few appointments of 2009 I had completely forgotten that the day before this one would be St David's Day - meaning a big party for all of us Welsh, and after celebrating well into the night I woke up the next morning with a hangover stright from the depths of hell! Immediately called work to tell them that I wouldn't be in, but what of my appointment? Dr H is generally booked up weeks in advance, cancelling would only delay my next adjustment and ultimately prolong treatment time, so despite feeling like the living dead it was out of bed and into the bathroom trying to make something presentable out of my dishevelled self. Didn't really want to inflict my morning-after breath on poor Dr H and his team, so after an intense cleaning and swilling session I was ready to face the world.

This time the adjustment lasted 50 minutes. Dr H announced it was time to increase the pressure on the top and brought out a strange looking rectangular wire for me. He also wanted to open out a gap in the lower set to bring back the tooth he rotated into alignment, fitting a spring device accross the teeth either side of it. Not sure why this is going on as I thought this was the tooth that was to be extracted or shaved down to ease crowding, but hey, he's the boss! He told me to come back in 8 weeks, by which time we should be making "good progress". Oooh, does that mean we can start involving Mr T in things? I really hope so!

But back to the square wire that's now fixed on top. At first sight I was NOT happy, it looks much thicker and more noticeable than my previous ones. It's also painful, and I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out if my throbbing head was down to the new wire or the hangover (I suspect a mix of both). A few days in and the rubbing has kicked in so i'm getting through a lot of wax, but i've chilled out a lot over the appearance as I doubt anyone other than myself can see much of a difference. Needless to say i've learnt my lesson about not going on massive benders just before appointments...

No regrets

2009-02-18T10:42:00.020Z

Albert Steptoe wore braces as a child...

I shall be treating myself to a few glasses of champers this weekend, as today is the 3 month anniversary of my top brace fitting! I'm thrilled that i've reached this point with NO REGRETS about the whole thing, and if anything I'm now even more confident in my decision to go ahead with surgery and braces.

In many ways i'm also enjoying the insights that new experience is offering, as well as learning a few things about myself in the process. Chief amongst these is the reaction from others that an individual must have a lot of self confidence to wear a brace as an adult, even though a quick scan of any orthdontic blogs will tell you that this is usually not the case. It's good to know that none of us should have any fears about flashing the hardware in public, seems it can actually be good for your image :)

I also can't help noticing how much dental crime is going on out there. We brits do seem to have a reputation overseas of bad dental habits, but whilst I doubt that the american style of teeth will ever catch on over here, I have to admit that there is some serious neglect going on. Fortunately things do seem to be changing - as reactions to my own brace are testament - but I have been astonished by the number of these wonky-toothed individuals telling me that THEY wore a brace in their youth! Huh? Twice I felt compelled to know more, and asked as diplomatically as possible whether they were now in retainers. The answers I got both times were along the lines of 'I was given some, but..erm...forgot to wear them... then, er, lost them somewhere..and, y'know..' etc. What's the point in putting in all that time and effort when you're young only to end up with teeth like Albert Steptoe?! Makes me think that children should only be braced when they're older, when they'll appreciate it more and take care of the work that's been put into them. Paying for treatment yourself also makes a huge difference, as there's no way i'll be neglecting my lovely new gnashers once this is all over!

Speaking of gnashers it's about time I put down a few words on my own progress. Dr H. originally told me that both top and bottoms needed to be pulled upright first of all, and this indeed seems to be happening, as there is a subtle difference in the way my teeth look regarding their shape and prominance. This is great news for my deficient upper jaw, as the teeth now stand further forward and fill my mouth more, distracting attention somewhat from the fullness of my lower jaw. However what goes for the top also goes for the bottom, and my underbite has worsened - as Dr H said it would. Before my lower front teeth sat directly underneath the upper teeth (which wasn't a problem as they never met) but now there is definitely a widening gap between where the uppers end and lowers begin. I'm not too bothered by this though, as I was warned it would happen, however my trick of pulling back my lower jaw and lip when I smile is no longer doing its job of disguising my underbite so well. But like every underbiter in the world no doubt, I have a whole arsenal of tricks to disguise my underbite and turn my big square chin into a tiny delicate one, and i'll be relying on these more and more in the coming months.

So it's 12 days and counting until adjustment number 2. My ambition now is to get my gallery going and chart my dental progress accross the months, with my teeth moving already there's no time to loose. Watch this space.

The end of the beginning

2009-02-04T11:37:00.014Z

Well i'm back from my snowboarding holiday in one piece, and so is my brace! It's more resilient than I expected, surviving a face-first dive into the piste that left my head spinning. But it did find other ways of tormenting me during my holiday - this new wire on the bottom has transformed previously harmless brackets into rubbing demons! Not as bad as the previous time, but thanks to some Gatwick airport bod confiscating my ulcer-busting clorhexidine mouthwash on the way out I didn't have anything to soothe them with. I also have a brand new pokey wire, and was seriously considering resorting to the DIY dentistry I was so opposed to in my last post, but have so far managed to resist, i'm going to make do with wax.

I've also got some great news regarding my mum - she actually asked after my brace!!! Back when I was first told her I was going through with surgery she got so upset that I havn't dared bring it up again, and ever since then it's been treated like some shameful family secret, not to be mentioned or spoken about. But the other day whilst chatting on the phone she comes out with "er..so how are things going..with the brace?". I was stunned into silence for a few moments before stammering "fine, fine!". Then a little while later she was talking about her holiday plans for the end of the year and said "i'll make sure I don't book anything until we know your operation date". Wow! Is she finally coming round to the idea? I hope so! I'm not going to say anything further until she brings it up again, and i'm sure she's still prefer that i'd caught leprosy than chosen surgery. But at least it's a step in the right direction!

So the next big date on the calendar is 2nd March for my second adjustment. I guess i'm through the 'first phase' of this process now that all the initial fittings and first adjustment nerves are out of the way, I suppose adjustments will become more routine with less excitement all round. But i'll still be biting my lip at each appointment, resisting the urge to ask about my surgery date - 6 months sounds a respectable amount of time to wait before I can bring it up so i've got until June. But each time i'm in the chair between now and then making small talk about the weather all i'll be thinking is "How's my progress? Am I moving quicker than you expected? HOW LONG DO I HAVE LEFT?"

News travels fast!

2009-01-21T11:45:00.007Z

Another milestone reached! Monday was the big First Adjustment day and I was feeling a little apprehensive, having read on other blogs that it can be quite a painful experience, but I needn't have worried. The whole appointment took only half an hour, and apart from one or two momentary sharp twinges as the new wires were pressed back into the brackets it was more or less pain free! Dr H replaced both the top and bottom wires with slightly thicker ones than before (I think) and announced he was very happy with the progess I was making. I must confess the technical details of what is going on and which wire is being used is rather lost on me. As long as i'm still on target for surgery at the 12 month mark and am not experiencing anything too painful i'm happy for him just to get on with it :)

At the end of the appointment I quizzed Dr H about my most pressing brace-related concern - staining! It's really important to keep teeth looking as good as possible during treatment, but i'm convinced that they're slowly turning yellower as the weeks go by. I seem to be spending longer and longer brushing in the bathroom in the hope that I can undo some of the damage. He told me that some degree of staining is virtually impossible to avoid, particularly for avid tea drinkers like myself but that scrubbing away like a mad woman won't help that much. He told me to swill with plenty of water after each cup, and said he'd put me down for a polish each time I get a new wire to make sure that any staining is kept to a minimum.

I also asked Dr H about any patients of his who had problems with their braces whilst away on holiday. I'm off snowboarding next week to France and am concerned about what to do if I end up mangling my brace in some huge collision on the slopes. Thankfully he didn't know of anyone who had encountered serious problems, but did recommend I take a pair of sharp metal nail cutters, so I could clip any pokey wires that were giving me a hard time. Errr... I don't think so! Any DIY dentistry I attempted would probably end up in a blood-soaked local hospital visit, so I think i'd just cough up for a trip to a local dentist if the worst came to the worst.

I attended an extended family gathering with A's relatives at the weekend, many of whom I hadn't seen in years, let alone spoken to. But it seems that someone has been spreading my brace news far and wide, as "Hi Discantus, how's the brace?" seemed to be the opener to just about every conversation I had. How did they know?? I suspect they all wanted to have a good nose at it though, and it's highly disconcerting trying to maintain a conversation with someone who can't seem to tear their attention away from your mouth. They also seemed determined to 'console' me, telling me that it will be worth it, and that i'll get through it etc etc, as though some dreadful fate had befallen me. It didn't seem to occur to them that this could be a positive experience, and that I actually rather like having the brace as it's taking me towards a lifelong goal. This really is symbolic of how behind the UK is in its attitude towards teeth, thinking that no-one could willingly choose to have a brace and how terrible it must be. I've decided to answer all future queries about it with a cheery "It's great! I'm really enjoying the whole experience". That should make them think a bit more!

Say cheese!

2009-01-09T12:16:00.008Z

My first christmas in braces has now been and gone, and other than few exceptions, it's all been good! I had been expecting a few difficulties, such as forgoing more chewy food or getting my wires clogged up, but no! It's amazing how the human body adapts to new circumstances. I'm hardly noticing the brace itself any more, when eating, talking or looking in the mirror it's as if they've always been there (it's only been 4 weeks on the bottom and 7 on the top). Hope I can keep saying the same thing as my journey progresses.

One aspect, however, which is definitely NOT amusing me is my new appearance in photographs. I've been browsing through various shots of me taken over the christmas period and can't help noticing that my brace does not take a good photo. Not sure whether it's due to camera's inability to pick up the detail of a brace, but every picture taken of me from more than about half a meter away shows the inside of my mouth as a murky grey/brown smear, as though i'm suffering from some dreadful teeth-rotting disease! Even worse is when the flash catches one of the brackets and creates a twinkle, it just looks terrible. I have started to practice my mouth-closed smiles, but at the moment this just makes me look constipated. I think i'll stick to ducking behind other people from now on.

I also enountered a situation over christmas that reminded me not to get too complacent about eating out in braces. It was the 27th December and A. and I decided to check out the sales at a new shopping centre that has just opened in West London. Needless to say it was bedlam, and after several hours in the shops we were both starving. We looked around for food places, but they all seemed to be either packed out or had huge queues outside. We trawled up and down looking for anywhere that had space and finally squeezed into a french cafe, only then to realise that they served hard, crusty filled baguettes! I was so hungry I had a go cutting one up with a knife and fork (much to the amusement of the waiters) and when that didn't work, resorted to scraping out the filling with a fork and eating it that way. Hardly enjoyable, or diginified, so i'll remember to think ahead and take an emergency banana out with me in case I get caught out again :)

So it's only 10 days now until the dreaded 'First Adjustment'. Seems that some other ortho-bloggers have found this more painful than the initial fitting, so i'll keep some painkillers to hand, just in case. I also have a few questions for Dr. H which i'll report on in my next post, i'm tempted to ask about timescale until my surgery but it's probably a bit soon!

Save the Archwired 1!

2008-12-23T12:57:00.005Z

Did you see that the forum on archwired.com has been locked? Seems that the moderator has been getting so much stick recently from board users that she's had enough and shut it all down. I'm really gutted about this as it played a huge role in my decision to go ahead with braces and surgery. It helped me discover that orthognathic surgery wasn't some weird rare procedure to be feared, and that there are so many people out there going through the same thing. I was just getting into posting, and was planning to make the most of it throughout my entire journey, so to find it now disabled is very sad. Why can't some people just behave? If someone is giving up their time to run a forum like that they shouldn't have to put up with hassles from idiots so I don't blame the poor woman for dumping it, though I hope something can be worked out at some point in the future to get it back up and running. Can anyone suggest another similar forum? I've yet to find one that that matches the quality and content of archwired....

In other brace news, the lead up to Christmas day is proving most interesting as i'm still discovering what, and how, I can eat. My front teeth continue to be hyper sensitive so they're all but useless for the time being, but it hasn't stopped me putting away two roast dinners already. I do have to eat with my mouth open a little when I chew tougher food though to get some leverage from the back teeth, which is a little embarrassing in company or out in public. I've been dealing with this by raising my fingers to my mouth and looking away or down a little whenever I need to chew property. It seems to work and is not too obvious, or was until I was spotted by a colleague at our departmental Christmas lunch last week who hollered across the table "IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE FOOD? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WANT TO SPIT IT OUT!". Thanks, you arse!

Otherwise A has been much amused to see me eating mince pies with a knife and fork (much too sticky to rip apart), and hesitating at the point of biting into a huge turkey and stuffing sandwich, suddenly remembering I cannot eat that way any more - bugger bugger bugger!

Have a peaceful Christmas everyone :)

Down and Up again

2008-12-17T12:19:00.016Z

It's been a painful 9 days since I last posted. The ulcers caused by my lower brace rapidly grew to humdinger proportions and triggered off others to develop all over my tongue and mouth (i'm susceptible to them when stressed or under the weather), by Friday the pain was excruciating! Eating was terrible, speaking painful and garbled, and sleeping difficult as I was continually woken up by the throbbing. I spent the weekend doing very little other than applying various ulcer treatments every hour or so and moaning about my terrible misfortunes. By Sunday evening, however the pain finally started to subside and the ulcers began to slowly retreat, beaten back by continual applications of Clorhexidine, Adcortyl in Orabase, TCB, Anbesol and salty mouth washes. Please god don't ever make me go through that again! I always knew that wearing braces meant a certain amount of pain and discomfort, but any more episodes like that and I'll be banging on Dr H's doors begging him to put me out of my misery and take them off, which would really be a disaster. I'm praying it doesn't have to come to that.

So with the ulcers dying away I am once again looking forward to my favourite part of Christmas - EATING! Don't think i'll have to avoid indulging, just take it a bit slower and more carefully, which is probably no bad thing given the masses of stodgy foods on offer. Also sensing that there could be a lot of advantages to be gained out of brace wearing, e.g. "Do you mind if I don't help with the washing up? Eating dinner has given me TERRIBLE tooth pain and I really need to go and lie down" or "I'll have the last of the brandy cream as this pudding will be too firm for me to eat otherwise" and might even try "I'M the one who's suffering around here, so should really get to choose what we watch on telly". May aswell make the most of any sympathy :)

PS - I've put up a few of my pre-brace pictures but am really not happy with the format. Want to put up a gallery so I can show proper before/after shots and progress pics, currently working out the best way of doing this. Watch this space...

Grouchy!

2008-12-10T12:04:00.009Z

Well, the honeymoon is definitely over! I've had my lower braces on for 24 hours now and have been in a foul mood throughout. Eating is temporarily off the agenda because of aching teeth, and anything I do tuck into seems to embed itself firmly around the entire lower brace. I've got several pokey wires, and the new brackets are doing an excellent job of rubbing up canker sores along the insides my cheeks. Welcome to the reality of brace-wearing!

I guess my near-ideal introduction to braces left me somewhat off guard. The last few weeks have been so easy with no pain or sensitivity to deal with that I was really starting to think this brace-wearing lark was a breeze. Added to this the fact that the upper brace filled out my upper jaw a little and detracted from my underbite, I was definitely feeling good. Now the metal lowers have gone on i'm finding out why so much complaining goes on :(

Attaching the brace itself went fairly smoothly. My lower teeth are far more crooked than my uppers so there was some struggling to get the wire in place, and they kept instructing me to lie still - not easy when it feels like someone's pushing their fingers down your thoat! Afterwards I asked Dr H what kind of changes I should expect to see, he told me that first the teeth need to be pulled upright and then he can begin moving them around. I think my teeth look pretty upright already but he assured me i'll be seeing changes by christmas, should be interesting to see what happens. He also said something about fitting the 'steel' wires later on, not sure what that means but it sounds painful! This makes me suspect that i'm wearing some sort of intro wires right now, maybe to break me in gently and gauge how much discomfort I can stand before they wheel out the big guns!

So now i'm back to square one in terms of flossing,waxing, learning to speak and the whole shenanigans. When I put my night wax on I look like i'm wearing A's rugby mouth guard! Better not forget one morning and go to work like that...

(will post all my pictures this weekend, promise!)

The silent treatment

2008-11-26T12:35:00.006Z

Reached day 8 of my upper brace experience, and overall things have gone well! The initial tooth soreness faded very quickly, to the extent that I was able to go out to dinner the very next night. I did however manage to swallow one of the back brackets whilst scoffing a roast potato, but it wasn't attached to the archwire so not a big deal. Apart from figuring out what's good to eat with this thing on, life has returned to normal rather quickly. I can only hope the rest of my experience is as positive!

However I faced bigger issues at the weekend as I unveiled my brace to the family for the first time. Ma has been opposed to me going through with this from the start, and I managed to keep her from seeing my teeth all through Sunday lunch. When we were alone in the car later I decided it was time to fess up. I took a deep breath and said "There's something about me you havn't noticed". A pause. "Your brace is on?"she asked "I need to have a look at this" and pulled over to the side of the road to have a good look, asking a few questions about the cost, pain etc etc. I commented that my boss has said it looked rather dainty, she said nothing.

A little later we were looking through some photographs I had taken on my camera and came across the closeup shots i'd taken of my teeth the night before my brace went on. Encouraged by how things went in the car earlier, I started talking about how pleased I was to have started this process and how I was looking forward to the my new bite. But before I got any further she shook her head and snapped "No, I don't want to see these or talk about this!". Oh. We changed the subject and the atmosphere quickly returned to normal, but upstairs later on I did find myself getting really upset by her reaction. Refusing to discuss things like this is even worse than shouting as there's no possibility of putting my of the story, and it makes the journey i'm on so much more difficult emotionally. I'm just going to have to keep quiet about the whole subject until she's come to terms with it a bit more, this could be a long time knowing my mother...

Enough of the gloom and doom, now i've got used to the brace it's time I took it out to meet people. Sizzle is desperate to go for cocktails so she can have a good nose, and i'm sure that reactions will be forthcoming after a few beers. Countdown is also beginning for the bottom all metal brace on December 9th!

First brace experiences

2008-11-19T15:13:00.006Z

The brace is now on, and I can report that so far it's all good :)

Yesterday morning was pretty tense, I'd barely slept the night before because of the anxiety, so I headed out feeling exhausted as well as full of sudden doubt about what I was about to do. The appointment itself started in the usual whirl of cleaning, suction and scraping, but before I knew it they were lowering the mould and I got my first chance to feel what the brace was like - the only way I can describe it is like finding a couple of London buses suddenly parked up along my teeth, they felt so bulky! The archwire went on next and Dr H started to talk through all the cleaning and maintenence, but by this point all I wanted was a mirror! My first thoughts on seeing my reflection was' hmmmm not too bad!'

As I got to work the realisation that I'd actually gone through with it suddenly hit, and I sat shellshocked at my desk staring into space for the next few hours. Reactions though, were good. No one noticed the brace (or my slighly impared speech) and were impressed by how unimposing it was. My first lesson in how to eat also came along quickly as I took a bite into my usual afternoon biscuit and felt a stab of pain shoot up my front teeth - so that's why they told me to eat soft food.

I was convinced I wouldn't sleep the night with this new contraption glued to my teeth, and fussing around with little brushes and wax seemed to take an age, but when my head hit the pillow I was out like a light. This morning the brace is already feeling quite normal and despite careful eating habits i'm already beginning to forget it's there.

I had a meeting with my boss earlier on and asked her afterwards if she'd noticed the brace. She said she hadn't and commented that it looked 'rather dainty'. Now that I was not expecting! She made my day :)

Still, I have bigger challenges ahead. On Sunday I visit my mother who's just arrived back from a long holiday. She doesn't know I've been braced and was still hoping I'd change my mind about the whole thing before she left so she's NOT going to be happy. If i'm lucky all i'll get is a dismayed look with a 'well as long as you know what you're doing' type remark. If she freaks out however I won't hear the end of it all afternoon. Fingers crossed it's the former!

No Turning Back

2008-11-17T13:01:00.010Z

Dr H will be fitting my upper brace tomorrow at 9.30am, and I will be irrevocably set on the path towards surgery and a new jawline. I'm VERY nervous. What if I hate it? What if I can't bear the sight of myself in the mirror and panic? I had always imagined (hoped) that my brace would look weirdly cool in an unconventional sort of way, but now i'm worried that it will just look wierd. Still, it's not enough to put me off going through with the whole thing, as every time I have these doubts I just take a good look in the mirror - I hate my jawline and teeth now so imagine how they'll look in 5, 10, even 2o years! A glance at my family tells me how much more prominent this chin becomes with age. By then it will be too late to take action, and i'll be stuck knowing I had the chance to make the change all those years ago but didn't take it. Cue lifelong regret and frustration. So however much I freak out, NOT doing this would be a far scarier choice.

The last few days have been interesting. I havn't been able to resist the urge to examine my teeth at every opportunity - in the toilets, passing shop windows, even in the mirrored lifts at work (which has been somewhat embarassing when people have walked in and i've not noticed). It's like i'm taking a last look at the old me before the transformation starts to take place. Is it true that as your appearance changes your whole person changes also? I can't see myself walking out of Dr H's office in 18/24 months time without being changed by the process, but what those changes will be i've no idea.

Despite thinking of almost nothing else recently I have actually managed to keep my big brace news from a few of my colleages. Tomorrow morning when I breeze in to work with a cheery 'Hi guys' I wonder who'll notice and what they'll say?

Ready or not...

2008-11-06T15:49:00.023Z

Things are moving quickly! Had my final moulds taken yesterday morning and casually enquired when the brace would be ready, thinking it would be in December sometime. Dr H's response was 'oh, I think we'll pop on the top set on the 18th'. Hold on...that's only 12 days away. OMG panic, didn't realise it would be so soon! He'll put the lower set on three weeks later, and i'm rather pleased to be having a few weeks to get used it, hopefully it means i'll have adjusted to the feeling a bit more when the bottom set go on. Dr H also told me that he still hasn't decided how exactly he'll move the teeth, or whether he'll need to extract a front tooth or not. Watching him fiddle around with my casts however, as though struggling with a particularly troublesome rubix cube, makes me think it's inevitable.

Anyway, i'd now better get moving with my final preparations. I need some decent photos of my teeth and jaw as they are now, as well as stockpiling floss, interdental brushes, paracetamol and all the other dental paraphernalia that seems to go with brace wearing. Also planning to celebrate the start of this journey with a final blowout of stringy, sticky brace-hating foods next weekend. I'm definitely going to include melted cheeses on crusty bread and caramel cake on the menu. Apparently red wine and curry are also out as they have a tendancy to stain ceramic brackets. Better get stuck to those while I can :)

On The Threshold

2008-10-30T11:11:00.000Z

So here I am! After months of researching surgeons, speaking to dentists, reading blogs and general soul searching i've finally said yes to the big decision and chosen to go ahead with surgery. It wasn't the easy option mind you, choosing to spend the best part of two years in braces and having part of my head broken off and reattached half way through isn't for the faint hearted, so I'm writing this blog to record the impact it will have on my life.

Along with accounts of all the work as it progresses, i'll also be reflecting the reactions I get, the situations I encounter and the overall experience of combining this orthognathic journey with life in London as a 30 year old professional.

I kept my plans a secret for a long time whilst resesarching the whole process, and now having 'gone public' the reactions i've had have been mixed. Whilst A. merely nodded and said it sounded good - as though i'd just offered to nip out to pick up the paper - my colleagues were all very interested. My mother's scowl, on the other hand, told me all I need to know about her thoughts on the matter, and for the time being when we talk the subject is closed.

She'd better start getting used to it though, i'm off to get my final moulds taken next week!

(PS - Will put up some pics asap)