Dr H will be fitting my upper brace tomorrow at 9.30am, and I will be irrevocably set on the path towards surgery and a new jawline. I'm VERY nervous. What if I hate it? What if I can't bear the sight of myself in the mirror and panic? I had always imagined (hoped) that my brace would look weirdly cool in an unconventional sort of way, but now i'm worried that it will just look wierd. Still, it's not enough to put me off going through with the whole thing, as every time I have these doubts I just take a good look in the mirror - I hate my jawline and teeth now so imagine how they'll look in 5, 10, even 2o years! A glance at my family tells me how much more prominent this chin becomes with age. By then it will be too late to take action, and i'll be stuck knowing I had the chance to make the change all those years ago but didn't take it. Cue lifelong regret and frustration. So however much I freak out, NOT doing this would be a far scarier choice.
The last few days have been interesting. I havn't been able to resist the urge to examine my teeth at every opportunity - in the toilets, passing shop windows, even in the mirrored lifts at work (which has been somewhat embarassing when people have walked in and i've not noticed). It's like i'm taking a last look at the old me before the transformation starts to take place. Is it true that as your appearance changes your whole person changes also? I can't see myself walking out of Dr H's office in 18/24 months time without being changed by the process, but what those changes will be i've no idea.
Despite thinking of almost nothing else recently I have actually managed to keep my big brace news from a few of my colleages. Tomorrow morning when I breeze in to work with a cheery 'Hi guys' I wonder who'll notice and what they'll say?
4 comments:
Good luck with your uppers tomorrow! Try to give yourself a week, anyways, before making the decision on what you think of it, as I think it'd be pretty normal to hate it right off the get-go. It feels weird, bulky, awkward, annoying to figure out where your lips should be when talking/smiling... but then it all just figures itself out.
Long-haul? My bet's on a constantly evolving love/hate/indifference cycle. You love that they represent change; proactivity in fixing your health. You hate the constant reminder you're waiting for something, the discomfort on occasion and feeling like a bit of a twit for wearing braces at all. You're indifferent as it can feel like forever, whatever, resignation *sigh*.
Who really knows til you're there :)
Do YOU change? Hmmm, that's really subjective & depends on where you're at personally. I'd argue that YOU don't really change, but attitudes you have about yourself, confidence in yourself and the like can go througha bit of a test. If you're happier with what you see you project that in your attitude and those around pick up on that and can change how they respond. Did you change? Or just discover a new truth about yourself...
I'd argue that we're always changing, there are just certain catalysts in our lives that facilitate this more quickly (or are more 'in your face' so to speak) than others .
You bring up good food for thought :)
I think Katherine, as always, has summed it up...
*Everyone* told me I'd get used to it eventually. And even so I was miserable for a couple of weeks, even more paranoid about showing my teeth than before, *still* haven't got too used to eating, and spit EVERYWHERE when I'm talking, particularly after an adjustment... but...
I don't regret it at all. It's getting nearer now and I hit a wall a few months back of just being majorly fed up. But I know (as everyone reminds me) that it'll all be worth it.
I don't even remember what it was like to *not* have braces these days!!
And I get ID'd when buying alcohol ALL the time now (i.e. people think I'm younger!!)
It'll all be fine, just takes a few weeks to adjust. *hugs* xxx
Hi Katherine, it's good to hear that everyone has the same hopes and fears as me!
Hi V, thanks for the comment. I really enjoyed your blog, it sounds like you're on a similar journey to myself! April will come around in no time, hope you're not nervous yet!
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